Seeing the ability

Friend: Sharon

Tell me about yourself

I am Sharon Toogood, when I met Liz I was Sharon Batcock. Pete and I married in July 2017 after a 4 year relationship. I am mum to three beautiful daughters, nanny to the wonderful Solomon, aged six, and stepmum to Pete’s daughters, and nanny to Freya and Elijah.

My professional role is Special Needs teacher with a post graduate degree in Special Needs Teaching with additional pathway of teaching the profoundly and multiply disabled. A label for the students I only ever see as people. Talented bright individuals, who have challenges. I never see a disability; just an ability to face life head on in an inspiring way.

Why do we need labels ? A question I continue to ponder! A diagnosis yes, a label.... nope that’s not for me.

I started my career within special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) working for the National Children’s Home, now ‘ Action for Children ‘; a far friendlier title and exactly what they do. This is a Methodist organisation and, with my Christian background, one I felt humbled to work for. I worked here for seven years at a respite centre in the Forest of Dean, Gloucestershire. It was one of the best jobs I ever had, as I am a true believer that we are always learning. Working here taught me so much.

I then moved into working with students aged 16 -25 with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) in a mainstream college. Driven by my passion that everyone should have the same opportunity, I went full steam ahead and re-trained to gain my teaching qualifications actions and the post graduate degree mentioned above.

This job in education I absolutely adored. The young people were enrolled on a variety of courses with the overarching ethos of obtaining Life Skills for their future. The joy this role gives is huge; setting targets and goals and assisting their achievement. Just wonderful and fun. When with the students I felt totally blessed. The range of ‘abilities ‘was vast, which of course made this a challenging role too.

I am now no longer in this role. Pete and I now live in France in our once holiday ( now permanent) home. Yes, I miss the students and the beginning of this first new academic year has been testing for me. However, Pete and I have new challenges.

Something that I have done for a long time is host French students in our home in the UK and now I am researching to register to offer this facility here in France. It’s the best of both worlds for me, still teaching and engaging with young people and it also gives me a time to learn too.

How do we know each other?

Liz and I met while travelling to Sweden as part of a British Council eTwinning professional development workshop in 2015.

The moment I met Liz I just knew we would get on. She is fun, caring, beautiful both inside and out and, from memory, a little, not shy?, but reserved in her ability? I feel I remember a little self doubt? Liz would this be fair to say?

We chatted and engaged in activities and laughed. Liz is pure beauty when she laughs, her eyes light up. I love this about people; there is nothing hidden when someone smiles and laughs.

I clearly remembering being at the airport waiting to return home, and we had shared a little about our lives at this time. Liz announced she was going to buy socks, good socks, for a boyfriend, her words: “he’s a proper boyfriend, or at least I hope he is,” again that beaming smile. I could tell this was one happy lady with hope for her future relationship.

Little did I know that this was the start of the relationship with Kevin.

What did you write to me in the early days of Coraline’s arrival?

I was thrilled to hear that Liz was expecting, and followed her pregnancy through the social media posts and the build up to the birth. Then the few days of silence following must have made us think, family time, new baby. How wonderful.

Then I read Liz’s post about the birth and the feelings she was having following the news that Coraline has Down’s Syndrome.

I felt a rush of emotion. I too have a daughter with a disability and remember so well those first overwhelming days in hospital following the birth. The news that hits you in the chest, the confusion, the enormity of it all. Liz's post made my memories come flooding back.

Then I sat and thought about what my aunt had told me when Maya was born. “It’s a gift”. I shared this with Liz.

Knowing that she would be receiving lots of messages I wrote just once I think, stating that Coraline was a blessing, she would bring a new way of thinking and a new world would open to all of them.

And mostly not to see the disability but trust in the ability.

I assured her ( as no one had assured or reassured me ) that Coraline would thrive and grow and be a little girl just like all others, there would be challenges, but most of all, she was exactly what Liz and Kevin were expecting. A baby for now, a child as she grows, and an adult when older.

I love that Liz writes about trusting in life, so many pass this by!

Talk to me about 'seeing the ability'

When I worked at “Action for Children”, the young people who came to stay had a variety of diagnoses that made them all unique. I have many cherished memories of this time.

One specific memory was after taking a non verbal, highly autistic young man to the cinema, an experience he thoroughly enjoyed. We met with his parents and told them about our cinema trip. His mum was shocked. I could have broken down in tears there and then! However, I saw the opportunity to encourage these parents that their son was no different to anyone else and should not be treated so, and I spent much time encouraging them to engage with the outside world as a family. To my great pleasure, a year or two later, this family, who had restricted their world, took their son on holiday on an aeroplane. I was overjoyed to say the least.

As a teacher, you're used to teaching, but what have your pupils taught you?

The students taught me so much, mostly that nothing is a barrier. Give them a challenge they accept it and try, mostly achieving. They also taught me to trust in their abilities, let them have a go and do not smother. I have had many moments over the years standing terrified that injury may occur while they are on the annual residential holiday and climbing trees, cooking on open fires, running races and basically doing just what young people do. Learning to allow risk in a world of health and safety and restrictions is difficult in professional life mainly due to the ‘blame culture ‘ we now live in.

The young people do not want the restrictions. In many ways those young people with ‘abilities’ are far more grounded and outgoing than the young people struggling with the ‘normality' of teenage years.

Patience is something else I learnt, don’t rush, just let things flow. There is always a way to find a way.