Noticing

I find that I am noticing more after 9 and a half weeks in lockdown. Are you noticing more?

When I take Coraline for a walk I look out for the flowers, and the blossoms, and I stand close and marvel at their colour and design. They bring me wonder and joy as I see them. There is no elsewhere to be, and there has been no elsewhere to be, so my attentions have, little by little, come to what’s around us, almost to a communion with it. I find a real fulfilment in it.

When I lie under a tree I notice its leaves and I find real joy too there in listening to the leaves in the breeze, in staring at them and in the feel of the sun around.

I can now run for a steady beat on my Couch to 5k for 25 minutes. I look at the people as I run, at the trees, at the horses and grass.

It’s a slowing down. I used to feel that if Coraline had preschool in the morning and we had a free afternoon, that I needed to do something with her - go to softplay, head out somewhere. The biggest gift of this time is to know now that, after a morning of preschool, if she doesn’t have physio or speech, we will hang out at home.

This time has give me permission, and also the insight, to do that. We have done nine weeks and she is happy. We can do, and now embrace, an afternoon, feeling the rejuvenation of the time and the greater importance of that to her. It’s more that it will be a choice to do that instead now; it’s as though this time has taught me to notice the beauty of that quiet time, the necessity of it, the connectedness of it. I was looking at it in an upside down way I feel before, thinking I had to keep her having fun or doing. But now I think, she needs that quiet time. That time to just shuffle around at home, to be present, experiencing our surrounds and appreciating. That is good for her soul. There is an immense value in that. The balance.

We feel centered doing that. This time has taught me, and shown me, that that kind of afternoon has a belonging. I thank this time for that gift, which will last me for all the years to come. The gift of slowing down, noticing and appreciating. I feel more of a stillness within and that’s what I want to take forward from this time.