Comments

I've joined a group of mums to answer a Monday question.

Today's question is: "Have you ever received a comment you wish you hadn't about your child? Could you explain how you see him/her?"

For me, for this, there are only four times.

One, the words of the Paediatrician on the day Coraline was born and we learned she has Down's syndrome: "You realise your baby will be in and out of hospital for the rest of her life, and she could have problems with her ears, her eyes, her heart and her thyroid". Then the words of a professional who said when Coraline was a few months old, "there are baby groups in your area, but you may not feel comfortable going to them". And later, two comments, "it will be hard," and, "but it's a lot of work isn't it?".

The answer to all of them is, "well it's whatever we make it". It's whatever we choose to believe it is.

I have the power of thoughts, of feelings, of reactions, of perspective. It's all within my mastery.

I might take Coraline to appointments a lot, I might go to a baby class and there might be moments of pondering. The only reason for that is comparison which I have figured out, through Coraline, is only to be used when you are comparing yourself with yourself previously, and how far you have come on.

We choose a different focus. We choose to speak different phrases because your language creates your experience, "wow these professionals we see are so inspiring, I am learning so much from them, I would never have met them, or come to realise so much about life, if not for Coraline". And I am proud of my own reaction about the baby classes as my instinctive response (in my head at the time) was, "what are you talking about? Of course we're going to go, and of course we're going to feel comfortable".

There may be wobbles along the way, at times things may feel hard. This is natural, this is normal. But at any of these times, I just bring myself to the power of attitude. The power of thought. My power to choose my experience, create my experience and more importantly, Coraline's. As this is a very real power. I don't wish I hadn't received these comments, because we can't wish to control what other people say; only our own response.

For each of these four comments I have received 400 positive and amazing comments.

The comments I had from a mum who has a daughter with Down's syndrome who I spoke to when Coraline was a month old bring me back to the fact it's all about perspective. And it's all about your power in a situation to choose your response.

"Nobody knows as much as you do as a parent. Always remember, only you as a parent will set her up. If she's not learning, it's not because she can't, it's up to you to figure out how she can learn. Stop thinking, 'she can't learn this'; think 'how can she learn this?'. Kids are so smart, and we presume they aren't. Don't worry about her responding, ignore that, it's all going in. It's not linear. It's not incremental. She won't show results immediately. One day it's triggered in one moment. If I had listened to what people told me, I would have held back. It's all getting registered. Neurons are triggered. She won't show results immediately. One day my daughter just stood up and walked. This is a big grand adventure, full of pleasant surprises. It changes you. Not just you, but every member of your family. We are much closer. She holds us together. She is the glue. She is very intuitive. We have forgotten intuition. Don't kill her radar by imposing your world view. Don't say she must be like everybody else. She is on a different vibration. Allow her to shine."

What was she telling me? Open your heart. You decide as a parent. What were all her words pointing to - have faith, believe, trust. Hold that belief high. And, you decide. You know in your heart the answer to any question and the spirit with which to give it.